The Traitors Episode 1 and 2 review
I'm doing something different - I thought I might review The Traitors from BBC 1 - Because I have thoughts!
There are spoilers ahead if you are not up to date with The Traitors
Oh my God Armani!? More like George from Asda. You just need to talk less. Your tactic of spending absolutely every waking second flapping your gums, is a surefire way to ensure that a. Everyone hates you and b. You’ll get voted down as a traitor even if you were faithful – just to give anybody else a chance to speak!
The Traitors is back and it’s bigger than ever! Well, except for those three unfortunate souls who took one for the team/thought they were going to be rewarded for their generosity, by opting to leave the competition early to make their competitors 10k. Honestly, I know it was New Years Day, so you expect trains to not be running properly, but I think even Avanti West Coast would draw the line at kicking off passengers in a scrap yard in the middle of Scotland. Think of the Uber costs!
The Traitors kicked it’s third series off with a Claudia trailed “massive twist” – and the twist appears to be that the producers have watched a few Mr Beast videos on YouTube and directly copied the format point. Never mind – I think we’ll let you off the slightly pointless, massively underwhelming pruning of Fazia, the diplomat, and the tall man from Leeds, who was chiefly memorable for a haircut that should be re classified as a hate crime. On with the game!
The first character properly introduced was the castle itself, looking resplendent in the summer sunshine. And boy were the contestants happy to be there, either that or they were just excited to learn fake tan tips from the queen (Hello Claudia!) I feel like I’ve seen less orange on a Tango advert. (One for the kids there)
Anyway – it’s a great cohort of new characters that we get to judge/hate/love! First up, those selected to be The Traitors… We’ll begin with the gobshite confident, assertive, Armani. Who is soooo good at this game that her own sister worked it out within .5 seconds and already, 5 or 6 players are onto her scent. Which is probably “Fantasy” by Britney Spears... We can all see where this is going – build up the “She’s too cocky” narrative, the sister will defend her at first until finally sticking the knife in as she gets booted through the door marked “Do One” in about 3 episodes time.
Then we have Linda – the dotty aunties’ dotty auntie. The type of woman usually seen extolling the virtues of healing crystals, or getting way too handsy with the stripper at her daughters Hen do. Well, she also was busted by one of the generic males (I will learn their names. Once they do anything of any note, at all) for the crime of turning her head on the word “Traitor.” It was pretty blatant – but I do have some sympathy, as this is probably the most exciting thing to happen to her since HRT. Who knows if she’ll rescue it, but she’s quite busy, and I’m not sure that plays well on the Traitors.
And finally, we have Minah. Who is going to win. I will expand on that further down the line, but she is a cold-hearted killer wrapped up in a sweet sounding scouser.
And then we have the motley crew of Faithful’s. I don’t have space to analyse all of them here, but let’s look at some of the highlights... There is Charlotte, who is inexplicably pretending that she’s Welsh. Why Charlotte? Why??!! Because the Welsh accent is the most trustworthy in the world? Yes Charlotte, it’s so trustworthy that the only genuine Welsh girl got booted out in episode 2. Oh, and a good third of the contestants think you’re a wrong-un already, before you reveal you’re not actually Welsh. I also wouldn’t be booking a visit to Abergavenny any time soon, not convinced they’ll take too kindly to your “impression” Also – wake up Sheeple! – The Actual Welshie that you booted (Elen) her main crime seemed to be, slightly suggesting that this year may have a more female influence to the Traitors (given last year’s sausage fest) which, *checks notes* she was bang on about, and that she was quick to do some elementary maths and work out the big black karate guy was missing… Essentially, she was knifed by all and sundry for the heinous crime of actually being smart. Watch out Kas (the doctor, who also has shown some signs on independent thought) these dullards will be accusing you of witchcraft for being able to count on more than one hand before the week is out!
Then flying through the others, we have Combat barbie, her pink suit hiding the fact that she was a soldier, possibly worried that her training to actually murder someone might point to the fact that pretending to murder people is a significant step down from her day job. We have Bluearmy (Tyrel) – an absolute blue-eyed legend of a lad from Leicester, who I am 100% behind because I am also from Leicester, and probably support the same football team. I’m very much looking forward to his and Kas’s “trap” to catch Armani, because so far, it seems to consist of accusing the only switched on member of the castle crew (Tyrell) and almost getting booted out (Kas)
There’s a boring teacher, a Peter Andre wannabe (to be fair, a lad who ‘was persuaded’ to show us his soapy tits on national TV.) A vicar, who is, for some unknown reason, pretending not to be a vicar, because vicar’s are known for their naturally calculating evil ways maybe, or something? (still not sure about that) and a lot of people who didn’t really make a mark, yet. There will be plenty of time for them to come to the fore.
It was, nevertheless, great two hours of TV. It introduced some really strong characters, who you could instantly form an emotional reaction to. It had tears, explosions, Claudia being a badass, lots of absolutely normal behaviour mislabelled as suspicious, and I think a twist or two still to come. The biggest reality show on TV (not set in a jungle, or to involve dancing) is not messing around, and I for one, am here for all the wildly inappropriate guessing, lying, and total misjudgement people make about their personalities. Bring on Friday night’s bloodletting!
Random Thoughts
- I was convinced they were going to bring the 3 jettisoned contestants at some point. It just seems so pointless otherwise. Still, they had a nice day out on a steam train!
- I really feel like there must be another little twist/relationship/character team up still to be revealed…
- Armani’s sister is the one to watch…